Zombies. 2nd biggest threat to mankind after CoD players.

Oli J’s Monday Mii-Time #1

Dec 3 • Features, StoriesNo Comments

… oh hello there! (dusts self off) Now… where was I?

Oh yes! Games… video games! As said in a droll, monotone Lana Del Ray type way. But yes, I’ll be honest and say that I’ve not really been into the whole world of video games this season. On the one hand, you could put it down to my extreme writing binge in order to sell more Amazon bestsellers (whichyoucanbuyhere), but it’s also, and more relevantly for this column, to do with something more obvious.

Nothing has really grabbed me this season.

Now, that isn’t 100% true of course. I attended Eurogamer this year and played lots of lovely games which I thought were delightful, however none made me tear out my eyes with joy and declare it to be my new Lord and Saviour. In fact, the only game that did make me man-squee was one I already had: Borderlands 2.

This of course may be part of the problem. As lots of my exes will corroborate, I peaked far too soon. Borderlands 2 was one of the “kick-off” games of this season, a sequel to a surprisingly popular FPS. After that? Well it all kinda dove-tailed for me.

Yaarrr! This game be redonkulous!

X-Com? Looks great, pleasantly good to play, but a fearsome difficulty reputation put off this weak, pathetic fool.

Assassin’s Creed 3? Also looked and played great, but was Just Another Ass Creed, with little in the way of innovation (save for the badass ship bits).

Far Cry 3? Interesting, but again was part of a franchise that I’d never truly gotten into. That, and the driving mechanics were still mental-balls.

Halo 4? See Far Cry 3. But take away mad driving and replace with a BIG OL SPACE MARINE!


Master Chief. Not to be confused with Gregg Wallace.

“Oh but Oli!” You cry. “What about the BIG players of this season?”

Oh yes… well let’s start with Call of Duty: Black Ops II shall we? Or as I like to call it, Blops 2 (Blop harder). Another generic installments in a generic franchise with generic gameplay and oh-my-God-please-make-it-stop-why-won’t-you-make-it-stop. I mean I get it. I get the appeal of Blops 2 with it’s massive multiplayer and… well… that’s it. That’s all that Cod Blops is. It’s a multiplayer game to abuse, or be abused, online which also has a single player campaign for the Hell of it. That’s it. No innovation. No change in the formula. Just another cookie-cutter, bland addition to a franchise that is single-handedly ruining gaming.

But now with more zombies and maps!

Zombies. 2nd biggest threat to mankind after CoD players.


The other big thing, of course, is the Wii U. Now here is where I will take my cloak of cynicism and discard it while I partake in a big slice of humble pie. You see, thanks to VERY LOW expectations it seems the Wii U is, and whisper it, actually not bad. The games are actually quite fun once you sit down and give them a go and the whole updated Miiverse and shop and other online doo-dahs are implemented fairly well. Yes, it’s still a gimmick which takes away from so-called “core gaming”, and also is hideously expensive. But… it’s Nintendo. And they know fun. And they seem to have done something fun.

Will I buy one? Not now. Like I said it’s obscenely expensive and I’m currently in “Casual Gamer” mode. If someone gave me one (fnar fnar), would I complain? Not at all! In fact I’d give them a big hug and then throw them out while I set the thing up.


Still sounds like a urinary sex game though.

So, with all that considered, has this season been a disappointing one for yours truly? Not really, as I’ve still enjoyed playing the likes of Borderlands 2 and Dishonored (more on that later). In addition, mobile gaming has started taking my eye in the form of Simpsons: Tapped Out. Seriously, that game is too addictive to step away from…

But will I remain a gamer? Well, with next season seeing the likes of Bioshock Infinite, Grand Theft Auto V and Aliens: Colonial Marines (a favourite at Eurogame), I think I may stick around just yet…

Until Next Time…

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